To further celebrate Tuning Fork's 1 year bday I was going to re-post this just because this is one of my favorite pieces from last year. Who could have predicted where Mr. Sylvester would be this year?
Just remember this was originally written / posted Sept 29th of 2005.
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/w/warlocks/surgery.shtml
Scene: Handsome Pitchfork writer Nick Sylvester sits in his modest apartment, sipping a wine cooler. The phone rings. Its his girlfriend Kim.
KIM: Hey Nick.
NICK: Hey baby. Whats going on?
KIM: Well, i think we need to talk.
NICK: I got us tickets to see Tamba Cha Cha.
KIM: I don't know who that is Nick.
NICK: Nobody does. Thats why it'll be so great.
KIM: Nick listen -
NICK: -Do you have my Daydream Nation cd? I can't find any of my 3 copies.
KIM: Nick i'm leaving you.
NICK: What are you talkin' about baby?
KIM: I've met someone else.
NICK: This is a joke right?
KIM: I'm sorry Nick. It's no joke.
NICK: Well...who is it?
KIM: It doesnt matter.
NICK: Of course it matters. You dont mess with Nick Sly and get away with it. I want names.
KIM: If you must know its the Warlocks.
NICK: Which one?
KIM: All of them.
NICK: What! no. Both drummers even?
KIM: Especially them.
NICK: Why? Don't i treat you right? Don't i keep you rich in bottled 7-up, various fine pizzas and promotional 1 inch band buttons?
KIM: You do Nick. But...well i was at the guitar center and the Warlocks were there with their stepmom and...you know how i am a sucker for that type of thing.
NICK: Is there anything i can do to convince you to stay?
KIM: Do you play Magic:The Gathering?
NICK: No.
KIM: Then no Nick. Goodbye.
She hangs up. Nick sits for a second stunned. He walks to the fridge and cracks open another Bacardi. Going back to the living room he spies a pile of cds he is supposed to review. On the top is the new Warlocks. Looking at it his eyes fill with hate. Thoughts of vengeance fill his head. He sits down at his computer and starts to type....
