Tuesday, March 14, 2006

An irate Elton John talks about TV on the Radio going on tour with Nine inch nails

As Pitchforkmedia reported today, Brooklyn band TV on the Radio will be touring with Nine Inch Nails and Bauhaus. An interesting decision to say the least. I sat down with a visibly angry Elton John to talk about this.

TQT: Thank you for joining me Elton.

ELTON: That's Sir Elton you bastard! Don't push me! I could snap at any moment. I've killed before!

At this point Elton approaches me, his eyes displaying the rage of a wounded cougar.

TQT: My mistake. I apologize.

Elton returns to his seat.

So what do you make of the news that TV on the Radio will be supporting Nine Inch Nails on an upcoming tour?

ELTON: Its insane I tell you! Absolutely fucked! I mean what's the point? I met Trent Reznor once. He didn't even compliment me on my purple blazer. Well screw him! Did he write 'Candle in the Wind'? No!

TQT: He has written some very successful songs. And people love his live shows

ELTON: What a bunch of crap. You call screaming in black mascera a show?

He spits in my face to show his disdain

A show is 50,000 screaming fans at Wembley and me in a Donald Duck costume. That's fucking art! Do these two bands really have similar fan bases? No!

TQT: Well Elton, I do think both bands have a similar dark tone, and the point of a tour like this is to open eyes of people who may not of heard the smaller band before. I think Nine Inch Nails fans may very well enjoy TV on the Radio.

ELTON: Are you calling me a liar?

TQT: What? No not at all. Its just-

ELTON: You filthy pig! You're a filthy pig! I'll kill you.

At this point in the interview Sir Elton took out a concealed cricket bat and cracked me over the head several times. After he was pulled off me by his own security I continued slightly dazed.

TQT: Um, Elton, are you a fan of TV on the Radio?

ELTON: (Taking a mocking tone) I don't know, is Bernie Taupin in the band?

TQT: Uh, No.

ELTON: Then what do you think you git?

TQT: Then why did you agree to this interview?

ELTON: Why do think? Your stupid site is going to pay me $25K for your five minutes, which I would like to mention is almost up.

TQT: I don't know who told you that but we do this for free. We're pretty much broke.

Elton sits silently for a moment before the cricket bat re-emerges. It was at this point I left the room in haste.