Thursday, December 15, 2005

Liars - it fit when i was a kid

Oy. I can't tell what Brandon Stosuy is going on about here. Allow me to try and summarize his non-committal ramblings paragraph by paragraph:

"Overall, Liars deserve an award for most improved Williamsburg neo no-wave band. I used to think the Brooklyn-to-Berlin group was an obnoxious snoreful, but on last year's They Were Wrong, So We Drowned the boys unveiled a stirring drone-o-rific direction. At the time, those expecting more of the same-old panned the collection, and since that time the resentment has seemingly deepened."

Translation: When the Liars first album came out and everyone loved it i decided i didnt like them much. But now that they have made an album that alienated at least half their fans, i am more willing to give them a chance. I love an underdog.

"Ignoring these unadventurous critics, It Fit When I Was a Kid, a four-song EP, finds the trio of Angus Andrew, Aaron Hemphill, and Julian Gross trudging in a similar direction, perhaps with less punch in the percussion. But then, it's impossible to guess whether this single is indicative of the band's forthcoming full-length, Drum's Not Dead-- it just doesn't give us much to chew on. The EP's contents are the title track and its technocrat remix, plus two minimalist non-album pieces, and low-budget videos for the three non-remix tracks. (The 7" contains the title track and its remix.)"

Translation: This EP sounds similar to their last album. And like most EP's it is very short, and possibly very different from the forthcoming full length (boy i dont see why he needed 98 words to say what i could in 25.)

"From its timing to its packaging, the thing's an obvious stocking stuffer (check cupid-struck Santa on the back, crossed candy canes, sliced fruitcake) and its made-for-collectors censored gay-porn cover art PhotoShopped by Julian Gross will get more press than it deserves. Such is the general reaction to penises. If you want to see it uncensored, you can get a full art cover on edible paper from the band's website."

Translation: The only thing more exciting than a naked photoshopped Angus is the real thing. Nude 7 foot Australian art punks don't come along everyday.

"Musically, the lead track's a deep-space sea of vocal drone and plodding drums. Andrew's voice echoes, and occasionally his intonation-- "We were walking in the snow/ Down the street from your front door/ I jumped the neighbors' fence at dawn/ Danced my way across your lawn" -- lands in the area of newest A.R.E. Weapons single, "Weakest Ones". Only, this doesn't suck. Actually, for its seeming tepidness, it's somehow addictive. The sound of a malleted diamond has us thinking of "crystals flying everywhere." A spooky organ introduces the song's shadowy lumen-tree half led by Turkish delight falsetto. It's murkily seamless and understated, and denser than it appears on a first or second listen: A Christmas carol for the restless dead?"

Translation: This is boring and monotonous. Except i like that. And an additional 50 words that mean NOTHING, but seem like some sort of analysis. (And i am pretty sure malleted isnt a word. But i digress).

"The considerably rockier "The Frozen Glacier Of Mastodon Blood" lacks the opener's fluidity, though the Big Black-style drums are nice. "Bingo! Count Draculuck" turns up the echo for a repeated query, "Are you all right?"-- its ambient drone, factory-dub percussion, and video game blasts are ultimately nondescript. Finally, "It Fit When I Was a Kid (Don't Techno For An Answer)" fractures the original then dumps thump-thump-thump atop, burying things in 12 inches of snow."

Translation: Even though i said that the first track was plodding, i have changed my mind since i wrote that and now will refer to it as fluid. Oh its snowing outside. I should add snow to my review somehow.

"This nibble has me intrigued, but also kinda bored (again). I'm hoping Liars lodge a few more pieces like "It Fit When I Was a Kid" on the LP; if the supporting tracks are an indication, though, there's reason to nod off. Going with my gut, those lesser tracks ring more like filler than future promises, so let's keep faith and expect Drum's Not Dead to offer something sublime."

Translation: I liked it, but it wasnt that good. And even though it bored me, i want the entire album to be like this

Like it or don't, just make a definitive statement. I would hate to shop for shoes with this guy.