Thursday, April 20, 2006

Diskaholics Anonymous TrioWeapons of Ass Destruction / Live in Japan, V.1 / Rating: 7.2 / 6.4

“Comprised of Thurston Moore, Jim O'Rourke, and Mats Gustafsson, the Diskaholics Anonymous Trio represents the sort of free noise/improv summit meeting that I've unfortunately grown conditioned to approach with skepticism.”

Here is my loose definition of personal hells and torturous sounds:

A child throwing a tantrum
A radio screaming static while in between stations or poorly tuned in
My bedroom radiator which releases a sonic kettle blow every few minutes
A local mocking bird whose newest vocal warm up includes the sound of a car alarm
Nails on a chalkboard
Dentist Drills
Records that become so quiet you forget they are on for minutes at a time
A rusty metal anything that cries out when moved
A helium balloon pinched between fingers and slowly deflated with a high pitch screech
A squeaky wheel
A chorus of horn and guitar skronk
A guitar amp with a loose connection
Someone tuning their instrument for an extended amount of time
Cars without a muffler
Police and fire sirens
A dying bagpipe
Animals being run over

I believe all of the sounds listed above are recreated on the Diskaholics Live in Japan V.1 cd at one point or another so it doesn’t take a genius to guess that I loathe every second of this test of patience some call art. (Spare me your snide comments, I know it is art and I am just being a sarcastic jerk who doesn’t remotely understand this particular brand of experimental noise.) And sweet Jesus does V. 1 mean there will be more of these live cds to come? Crap.

Note to self : add Diskaholics to my personal hell list.

I should have suspected trouble when a month or so ago a late night vandal smashed out my drivers side window and stole only the pennies in my change drawer. The package containing the Diskaholics live cd remained on the passenger seat untouched as if it contained an evil not even a desperate thief wanted a part of.

Thank you fate for sparing me from Weapons of Ass Destruction (and isn’t that a NOFX record title waiting to happen?) I am most grateful to have not been given or loaned a promo of this other Diskaholics cd.. I know it’s wrong to review “music” I haven’t heard but I know if I listened to it I wouldn’t be able to type intelligently about it anyhow. Consider yourself spared one less paragraph of me whining.

Sorry but I can’t possibly rate something my ears refuse to allow me to expose itself to for more than a few minutes at a time. Just one thing I need to know- can people really listen to something like this all the way through and not want to pull off their ears in a desperate attempt to make it stop?