Friday, February 10, 2006

You Do the Math

I've noticed something in the last couple days at Pitchfork. What do all these stories/reviews have in common?

That's right. All have something to do with the Decemberists. I think the members of this band are getting way too much done and I have begun to have suspicions that the band is up to something sinister. I have felt that something is brewing. Something bad.

Wel, my worst fears have been realized.

While trolling Google news last night I came across this article. Unfortunately the link is broken but I was able to cut and paste before it went down:

Big weapons stash found at "Base of Operations".
Portland, Oregon.

Police searching the the 3 story Victorian home at the center of the vast Portland compound of band/cult leader Colin Meloy found hundreds of knives, guns, a donkey-shaped piñata and a metal sign that reads "The Revolution starts with clever, wordy songs!," law enforcement sources said yesterday.

Police also found prescription pills, a 3-foot-long samurai sword, 17 kittens, a barn full of horses with machine guns mounted on their backs, a stockpile of Royal Crown Cola and a makeshift obstacle course, primarily made up of smashed drum kits and amps.

Investigators weren't sure what to make of the arsenal, but neighbors said Meloy, singer for the band The Decemberists, is a hunter - and an oddball.

"I see him once or twice a week," said neighbor Dominick Frascello. "He looked kinda weird. He kept mumbling about shanty towns, downtrodden mistresses and how the war would begin at Bumbershoot".

Police said they became suspicious when neighbors complained of loud explosions and searing accordion solos emanating from the compound. Meloy was charged with four counts of weapons possession, mischief, assault on a police officer, polygamy and driving while impaired after he attempted to ram a police car with his model T ford, which disintegrated on impact.

Police spokesperson Jack Weaving said that the Portland PD has long been investigating Meloy's suspicious activities. "We have a pretty big file on the guy," Weaving said standing in front of the confiscated guns and kittens. "Other than the complaints from neighbors we have observed 'indie' types coming in and out of the compound at all hours. Add that to his use of Petra Haden as an opening act, a suspicious and dubious act on its own, and we were convinced there was criminal activity going on."

Weaver added, "That song 'We both go down Together'? I think we all know that is a thinly veiled call for a violent overthrow of the government."

As I said this link is now broken. But it seems clear that all this recent activity by the band members is just a build up to an attempted takeover by the Decemberists. Why wouldn't Pitchfork report this? Can you say co-conspirators?